In the mind of me...

For some reason the last few days I've been thinking alot. It's probably being at home alone while my other half is at work on 2nd shift. I find myself thinking alot about my family, my past, my future, my life. I thought I'd share a little of where my mind has been. I think of my family... My mom and dad have always been there and continue to be. Over the past 2-3 years I have realized more and more just how thankful I truly am for my parents and how they raised me, taught me, loved me, and supported me throughout my life.

My dad has been inspiration teaching me how to work hard and stick by your family no matter what. My mom has taught me to be creative and strive for everything in reach.

Next there is my sister and brother. Yes, I am the baby and yet so much in "between" my siblings. In many ways I am my sister, yet, in many other ways I am my brother. The two of them are nothing alike. You may even look at pictures of us and agree that

I even look like both of them.

First, my sister. Growing up we couldn't stand each other 95% of the time. But over the last five years I have began to understand her more and she likewise understands me more than ever. Our odd sistership has now grown into a friendship. I love talking to her, learning from her, and laughing about life with her. Whether she knows it or not she is an inspiration to me.



Then, on the totally opposite hand there is my brother. He has a totally different type of connection with me. We are both ridiculous, witty, daring, and rebellious in our own ways. My brother has had his tough times and often I have felt like his big sister helping him along, but its worth it. He can be anything he wants to be and in recent days I think he is beginning to see that himself. Growing up he was my bully yet my protector and we continue to laugh and linger through life and past together.



An experience I have been blessed to have is the honor of being an aunt. My sister's sons Jonathan, David, and ? I never knew how much nieces and nephews could mean to one. I still wonder how in the world it is possible to love your own child any more than these little pieces of my family. Jonathan is 4 he was the first of this unbounding love. He is insane phone calls, proud learning, laughter with no end, nonsense conversations, the cutest ring bearer ever, and incredible hugs and kisses. David, a special little guy many of you never knew. He was only with us for about six hours but touched so many with that short time. He precious and peaceful and life changing. It broke my heart to lose him so quickly but I know that God had and has his purposes. Last, there is "?" his name is a secret. He hasn't arrived yet. But still I know that we will have many precious times in the future. I know we will laugh, love, and share life just as I have with little "J". I can't wait to meet him this summer.

Another special person is my grandmother. No one but God will ever understand just how much she means to me. I miss my grandma dearly and hate being so far away. She has always been a listening ear, encourager, support, inspiration, Godly, and love beyond belief. My grandmother has always been there for me. She listens and speaks her mind only for the benefit of those around her. I don't think I've ever known anyone that could match that of my grandma!

Looking back on my past I think of someone who we all know was one of the biggest losses in my life. I miss my grandaddy and I don't know if that feeling will ever fade. At the same time I don't ever really want it to. He was beyond friend. He was my number 1 fan and just the same I was his. I think back on times spent with him and emotions from all degrees overfill my spirit. There were many jokes, actions, and days that make me laugh till I can't breathe. Then, there are times that make me smile with warmth because I still feel his love and support. There were also the times that I think about that simply bring me to tears because there are no words to express how I feel. Grandaddy I strive to make you proud... I miss you dearly!

When I think about my future I think of a commitment I made almost two years ago. The man I married, Brandon Barber. Though many times people only hear about my hard times and complaints (as in many marriages) I want to anounce to the world... I love my husband and would never change June 24, 2006! I don't give him my appreciation enough but he is wonderful he supports me, encourages me, provides, keeps me on my toes, my feet ground on earth, and makes me laugh until I cry. Yet, above all he loves me beyond my flaws. Brandon I can't wait to see all that our future holds.

Well, that is just the beginning of my thoughts. Maybe I should post more often because I still have so much to say.